I lost contact with him. Haha..It's been a while since we sent emails to each other. I wonder how he's doing right now. I hope he's doing fine. I hope his health is in a good condition..as well as for his wife...
Thinking about it..i haven't had my reflection time either for a while..I have been away..so far away...from the work..from the ministry..from You, God..
I am just too comfortable with my life right now..and keep having the conviction that there must be something..more that I can do...more than this...more than what I'm doing right now..
I have so many things in mind..I miss my mom...I couldn't say it thought..I wanted to say it to her..before...but then she called me..when I was sick..and suddenly..the words were stuck in my throat..I couldn't say it..haha...
it's been a while since I have been writing in this blog. Haha..I almost forget about it.
Today, I went to prayer meeting, wanting to get something from God. It turned out that I met with him again.
All the memories from the past just suddenly...bursting out...
I know that I am not going to fall in love with him anymore..at least for now..I'm certain bout this..
It;s just..I remember how his goodness, care..just changed me..I am not who I am today if it was not because of him...
I have made this blog private. No one's gonna read this anymore. Suddenly, I think about him (C). I think about what he's doing lately..with her. I think about T. I think about L. I mean...i'm FRUSTRATED with myself!! Why can't I get enough with all the guys?!
What should I change to turn around? What should I give to change? What should I have to resist and be consistent?? And suddenly..there's a voice saying "NOTHING"
I can't do anything to change. I can't do anything to turn it around. I can't give anything.
Just when I seek God...it'll all be changed, be renewed.
Seek God. WHo is God? How can I seek His face? How do I seek His face?
Pagi" dibangunin ma Putri, nguantukkkk berattt..huahua..jam 7 pagi, belom mandi, langsung siap2 mo pergi ke rumah ko Mike numpang MANDI huahua..maklum...kamar mandi dirumah si ines kotornya bukan main..pada ga tahan, akhirnya malemnya kita ngungsi dirumah ko Mike deh..cowo2 pada pindah kamar...thanks to Ko Mike and ci Novie!!!
Hari ini kita ke SIX FLAGS!!! Horeee...^^ hehe..seru abis..naik 7 wahana in total..skalipun itu setelah insiden "lost" in the middle of nowhere..whuahua..ceritanya..kt berempat (putri, ncis, gw ama tao") bakal naek superman nih..abis naik Deja Vu kan..eh, putri n ncis decided to ga naik, akhirnya ya berdua doank naik supermannya..pas ngantri..we just realized one stupid kesalahan...GA ada yang bawa HP...mi gosh..=_=
alhasil, sperti yg kt dah duga, abis kita slesai maen, putri n ncis dh menghilang! ya..g ama tao2 cari mreka deh...ke Gotham city..trus kt liat wahana BatMan..wahaha..naek deh..terus terus..slesai turun..kt ngerasa guilty, ya kita jalan lagi, nyari2 mreka..ga ketemu2..eh, liat wahana Scream wahahaha...naek lagi deh..keasikan..akhirnya udah plan bakal naik Goliath...yaudah..naek deh...ngantrinya mayan lama..ampe jam 7an..slesai Goliath..udah deh..bener2 harus nyari mreka semua..
g suggest kt take a rest di restoran gitu..biar tao2 jg ga kedinginan..bersyukurnyaa...ketemu grup Irma!!! hauhauh..akhirnya....keluarga besar bertemu kembali T-T hauhuah..
slama kita nyasar, ternyata mreka jg cariin kita sambil maen arcade..hauhau..kita jg kasian..mo beli foto, ga bisa..baru inget ga bawa duit, mo main thrill shot lagi..ga bisa jg..lupa bawa duit..
ya..sekian deh..besok..benernya pengen jg ke universal..tp anak2 pada ga mau pergi..pergi sendirian ga enak ah..dah gitu, tiket jg ga ada gitu..so..yea..mungkin bakal stick with the family..
kenapa..entah kenapa g ngrasa..hari ini tuh God let me feel and taste His goodness in my life..jadi..smacam..Dia bilang "enjoy aja"...kaya..dikasi nyasar, bukan untuk berduaan, tapi to taste and to see how good God is..how God wants me to enjoy my life..tp..g jg ragu sih..kyaa..siapa tau, karena g jarang devo jg blakangan..g salah nangkep pesen..hauhau..eniwei..well..thank God for today deh..
malem2nya, kt makan di korean bbq gitu..mo muntah..makan daging kebanyakn..perut dah buncit huahua..tapi ya..enjoying the day..=) =)
see u besok then..ngantuk..baibai..
I just realized how stressed I actually am. =0
I need to do things one by one instead of worrying everything at the same time, which won't bring me anywhere, of course. Hehe...
Enjoying the song of Jay CHou currently. You know...as time goes by, i like my culture more and more...I like chinese men more and more...I love Indonesian songs more and more...I mean, despite all the bad things happened around me, they still can create something that can bring joy to other people. I want to be joyful for the rest of my life!!
I want to bring happiness to people. I want to bring hope. I want to see them happy. I want this world to be turned upside down. I want my life to be turned upside down. I want to see more than what I have seen.
I want the limits to be taken off of me.
But what do I neeD?
Because He's gonna give me what I NEED. JOY. I nEed
JOY!!!
Enjoying the day, even though it's cold, and you just messed up your exams!! Huahua..need to move forward...
I can't deny myself that he is on my mind, night and day. even today, i messaged him. i dont know how to handle this feeling. probably by not thinking about it???